Advice for Getting Along with Your Step Children: Parenting Tips

Managing a blended family is a challenge even for most step parents, even if they have a great relationship with their step children. If you are having too much conflict with your spouse's children, here are some guidelines that can help you parent your step children, and make your home more peaceful.

The first step in building a stronger relationship with your step children is to take a step back and give yourself a reality check: unless you have adopted them, or the other parent is completely out of the picture, your step children are not your children. They are your spouse's children. If your step children feel no obligation to please or obey you, it's because they don't view you as a real parent. Or worse, they may resent you as an intruder.

However, your step children will gradually warm up to you if you show them love, kindness, and patience. Step moms and step dads must establish themselves as friends before they can claim the title of new parent.

If the other parent has custody or visitation rights, always say complimentary things about the other parent, and never complain about the ex in front of the kids. For example, tell the children you like their mommy’s new haircut, or their daddy's new truck. Even if the ex trash talks about you to the children, show the kids that you are a gracious person. Rising above pettiness will make you seem more like an authority in your step children's eyes.

In the beginning, leave punishing, reprimanding, and "real-parenting" to the children's biological parents. You can report bad behavior, but don't punish it. Your spouse may give you "permission" to be a parent to the step children, but many spouses secretly dislike it when the new spouse punishes the kids. Avoid it until you've established your role.

Don't force interactions between your step children and your own children. If they don't want to mingle at first, let it alone. They will build relationships naturally.

Remember that your spouse's children will eventually grow up and leave home to start their own lives as adults. Don't waste your good years fighting with them for power! You will eventualy have your house and your spouse all to yourself. If you struggle in your day-to-day interactions with the step kids, just remember that it gets better over time, and someday they'll finally be gone.

© Had2Know 2010