How to Avoid Divorce in a Second Marriage
Statistically, second marriages have even higher rates of divorce than first marriages, and there are a number of reasons why this has held true for decades. One possible reason is that people often marry a new spouse very similar to the first wife or husband. In an effort to "redo" the first marriage, the same mistakes are made all over again, leading to yet another divorce. Another reason why second marriages often fail is that divorced people have fewer qualms about divorcing. Having survived divorce once before, they now see it as a viable alternative to working out normal marriage problems.
If you are on a second marriage, or you are considering getting remarried, here are some steps you can take to make this union last.
First, make sure to pick a partner who does not exhibit the worst traits of your ex-husband or ex-wife. If you were previously married to an addict or cheater, don't marry another one thinking that this time you can change the person. Unfortunately, you won't be able to, and your marriage will end in divorce for all the same reasons.
Realize that no matter whom you marry, some things will be constant. Wives will nag, husbands will be slobs, and all couples will fight about money. No marriage is without minor problems. You can escape these disagreements by replacing your old spouse with a new one, but divorce won't solve recurring conflicts.
Unless your new spouse is to blame for the divorce, insist that your family members and children treat your new wife or husband with respect. Take your spouse's side in family conflicts to show where your loyalty lies. This will cement your relationship and reduce your chances of divorcing again. If your new wife or husband is to blame for the break-up, try to keep him or her away from your family!
Don't keep reminders of your first marriage in the house, except for pictures of children. Get rid of all your ex's personal effects, and don't offer them to your new husband or wife. This will show your new spouse that you are forward-thinking, not stuck in the past.
Don't compare your new spouse to your ex. Make an "innocent" remark that your ex-wife prepared a dish better, or that your ex-husband was a better driver, and it will be taken as a grave insult. It's worse than comparing your wife to your mother, or your husband to your father.
Make a conscious effort to resolve every conflict, even when you are not at fault. Unfinished arguments and lasting disagreements are like tiny cracks in a vase. Let them grow long enough and pretty soon the vase will break. This is why many first marriages end in divorce; couples become less and less willing to reconcile, until the only option is to split. Think of your first marriage as a lesson, not a failure, and apply those lessons to have a happy and long-lasting second marriage.
© Had2Know 2010